1. In Target on Sunday, I saw a lady wearing yoga pants that were so low I could not only see her hiney, I could see her crack. I hate the word crack used in this context.
Because I am a very klassy person, I pointed it out to the lady who was ringing me up and she said, “Oooh, she is going to get herself in trouble, even if it’s just people talking bad about her. That is a straight mess. Peoples’ mamas ought to teach ’em not to go out showing they bee-hinds.”
2. On the way to lunch today, I saw a woman waiting to cross the street wearing a very nice, crisp shirt and patterned tights. Tights.
Tights are not pants. Tights are tights and belong with a dress or a skirt or something of some description over them, otherwise people will know you have lost your mind.
3. At the place where I got my lunch, there was a lady wearing a sundress composed of hundreds of lace flowers sewn together. And a thong. Not two thongs on her feet, but a thong in her crack (see above). Not for nothing, but they sell slips right at the mall.
I prayed that she would not turn around, but alas, God must have been otherwise occupied, because she did turn around and I am here to tell you that she could have at least worn a matching brassiere. Or not worn her bathing suit coverup as a dress.
Yep. Peoples’ mamas ought to teach ’em not to go out showing they bee-hinds.